well it has been awhile since I wrote anything. A couple of weeks ago "he" just showed up out of the blue, which led to a horrible fight. He was violent again. For the first time I was really scared. I really thought I was going to be hurt, something about being choked till you almost pass out will do that for you. A police report was filed. I was so sick at my stomach about what to do. I didn't want him to go to jail, but I wanted him to get help for his issues. I don't feel the same anymore. I don't feel love anymore. I just want him to go away. He can't give me what I want and what I need. I made the hard decision a day or so ago that he needs to stay out of Kaden's life for good. If, he can't treat Kaden the same as his other children he just doesn't need to be involved in Kaden's life. I think the back and forth and around Kaden one day and gone for a week or longer isn't good for Kaden. Plus it isn't fair to him. It is going to be tough but I know it is for the best. In time Kaden will realize how things are. He is already so smart he knows that when he calls his dad he won't answer and he won't call him back. How sad that at 3 year's old he realizes this.
I know I am tired of being alone. But I know it is going to take time to heal myself from all the damage that has been done these last couple of years. I still have my very bad nights where I just cry all night long, but I know I have to stay strong for my kids. We need to be in a healthy safe enviroment free from mental, verbal and physical abuse.
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